Miserable and confused from Graaf-Reinet in the Eastern Cape writes
My husband of 37 years has cheated on me.
Together we built a thriving 200-hectare sheep farming enterprise and were blessed with a beautiful 23-year-old girl.
I am so confused. My husband is 60. We have decided to move forward but it is really hard as I cannot get over this betrayal.
Please help me.
I really love my husband but there is this huge elephant that lingers in our marriage.
How can I get over this?
My Dearest Confused…
Of the million ways to hurt your partner or damage a relationship, we tend to draw the line at cheating. I mean “we simply cannot stay with a cheater!”
Pop culture also does not help our society because it is awash with this “cut the bum loose” narrative.
Listen to any Mary J. Blige or Toni Braxton song and it pegs the victim of infidelity as a woman scorned.
Anything to hurt him back.
A fact of life, few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity. The act undermines the very foundations of the union itself.
But God forbid we have an honest conversation about the infidelity. After all it is not a “singularly or clearly defined situation” or whatever psychologists say these days.
Confused, 37 years is a lot of years. Honestly.
When both spouses are however committed to authentic healing, some marriages will survive and even come out stronger with even deeper levels of intimacy.
I suggest you start with forgiving yourself. Love is tricky. We cannot help who we give ourselves to, so do not beat yourself up for wanting to forgive him and fighting tooth and nail to keep loving him.
Le wena (You must also) actively decide if you truly do want to forgive him. Who are you fooling saying that you forgive him, while deep inside a resentment lingers?
You CHOSE to stay babes.
Healing is not linear. There are no rules for feeling whole again.
It has been 37 years and people change.
Quick question, what do you like to do Confused? Yes, you are married, Ou Sis, but that does not mean you are dead.
Get acquainted with the concept of practicing a bit of AUTONOMY in the relationship.
Where is the surprise? The “razzmatazz?”
I suggest you get the hell out there and start living your damn life.
The elderly man must just get with the programme and start wanting to please you!
Actually. You are the QUEEN; he must pine over you, fall at your feet, and kiss the bloody ground you walk on. Not the other way around.
This man is all of 60-years-old doesn’t he have anything better to do? Read a newspaper, check his sugar levels, yell at the TV?
In fact, he should be writing to Liewe Lulu asking how he can keep you after his colossal f-up.
Peace. Love. Light and Happy New Year.
Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s no-holds-barred agri agony aunty. While she receives many letters from across South Africa, preference is given to those who are working in the agricultural sector. Yes, farmers have issues too, and Liewe Lulu’s got the tissues.
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